Would You Talk Abuse Over a Cup of Coffee?

Specifically, would you declare yourself as an "abused" person to someone you have not known?

For a start, don't... Not in public, not in school, not in any place where no one really knows you.

No matter how you vouch for abuse or try to explain your points of view, someone may always look at you as if there is something wrong with you. It is quite a natural feeling, so don't misunderstand and the reason why someone would tell you, "that's just human nature."

I feel the human mind simply self-replicates the most unimaginable depending on what's been told to them, and when someone knows you are "different" because of having been exposed to some unfortunate experience, well that opens a new avenue of thought and a set of presuppositions that separates you from the so-called "normal" group. You might actually lose a nice friend in the process being that trigger happy to be honest. So, don't.

You see, the problem is there is this negative psychological attachment to the word "abuse" as not being a nice word at all. And you might ask, "why ever?" I am just being honest about myself etc etc etc. Well, being honest is one thing but being downright honest to someone who knows next to nothing about you, exposes you as the speculative object of interest for many who don't know you. People may create ideas about who you are not and then decide how they will look at you. That is a big no-no!

You don't tell about that dark side of yourself to someone you also know nothing about.

Somehow, not everyone is equipped to deal with it socially and mentally. Most of us may have been raised by good parents and that's just the first step of life - being exposed to parents who love and care for you and as you are guided to the larger spectrum of the populace which will eventually include your relatives and then your friends etc., you expose yourself to people from all walks of life. With good guidance most often steered by wonderful parents at the helm, it is most likely a growing child may not be exposed to abuse. However, somewhere in that walk of life, you will meet someone who will be abusive - this can happen in the office, on the streets, in the store or some place as unexpected as a hospital.  You may see someone on the street who slaps his child, an appalling situation you have never been exposed to by your own parents or you may see lots of abuse on TV as you grow and that eventually culminates in you that other people do go through abuse and are not so fortunate....

Living abuse is not a pleasant affair but if you are one of the unfortunate few as I have been, there are other ways of working around it.Think about life in a more positive way. Be around happy people. Keep a journal and learn about the mistakes and how you can correct them going forward. Remember to stay clear of abusers and note the types who make good friends and the types who don't. If there is some event that really rips you apart and it hurts you every time you think about it, learn to meditate. Do not dwell on the negatives - they are the bad ingredients for future mishaps but rather think about life with a positive note each step of the way. When you fall, pick yourself up and walk in another direction. Don't get mad. It is not worth your while. Being unhappy is rotten, being angry simply degenerates into a thought process that reaps havoc for you and for all around you.

Life is what we make of it. Everyone has a right to this world just as I have and you have too. What you are, is someone created the way God wills it to be and so, work towards bringing that part of you the world deserves to know. We are all created special in our way.  


It is the demented that preys on the weaker one and never learns. I have been a victim and I know the feeling. It is just unspeakable but then, if I were to wake up each morning feeling the whole world is against me or to remember every tainted part of my life, I'd be submitting to the weaker constitution of my person and that is just not me. Life is so beautiful out there - as I learn everything about the world, about the flowers that bloom, about the people who live in it and about knowing that I can make a change in my life if I think differently, I wake up knowing that I am the winner and that the better part of myself is still within my grip. That, the abuser will never get!

Abusers Hurt and Destroy: Why Society Needs to be Involved

If someone steps up and declares that abuse is a problem that is only inherent in Western societies, that it is a sign of decadence and mayhem brought on by years of European civilization that taught nothing at all, I would drop everything and walk! And I mean it. I have been in a society that has spelt that to me a million times and I could not say much then. I was a child and I actually believed it to be true. You can call it indoctrination but it happens in many societies and failure to conform can lead you to being stigmatized by society.

However, my perceptions of societal and cultural issues and the socialization processes which dictate a society changed when I became an adult, when I developed my own set of values to question and receive, and when I began to see the world for what it really is.

So, here's the thing.

Saying that abuse is not happening in Asia is like me telling you that you will find a unicorn in the forest if you look hard enough. You cannot convince me that abuse is only prevalent in Western society. It happens everywhere, at all levels, and it is a problem for many to deal with. I have seen enough of it and feel we need to develop responses to counter and contain its perpetuation into our society. The least we need is nurturing a society that presents an unhealthy ground for our children and theirs'.

And to say abuse is a "normal" expected behavior of any society would mean I am condoning that it is an acceptable result of human integration into a larger form. Then I would ask you why is someone NDP and another is not? We are all born differently but it is the family unit and the social beliefs and expectations which we come into contact with, which eventually shape us to where we are.

So, here's the basic point:

Abuse does exist irregardless of what society we come from and it eventually degenerates if no treatment is rendered. We should never ignore the pernicious forms it can take because it destroys the abuser and everyone who he/she comes into contact with on a regular basis. The manner in which abuse degenerates is determined best by a yard stick and through statistical analyses based on many factors considered eg. Cultural and social perspectives, tolerance level and sociological/educational pressures. But to zero in on the ultimate fix would be hard to do because these studies will be all human generated and biasness will prevail. Hence, results will always be skewed. Nothing is always fact driven.

The point is we allow abuse to live in our society and if we shut an eye to its existence, we are in effect allowing its generation into the fibers of our society. Over time, closing an eye to abuse means we are allowing bad behavioral tendencies to foster. Say for instance, we know there is an Uncle Sam next door who seems to beat his son even though the boy has expressed his misdoing. It happens all the time and you think that it is okay to allow that to happen day and night but here's the issue. Allowing that sort of activity only affects the child's eventual mental and social aptitude. You are not doing that child a favor. He eventually digresses to believe that it is okay to hit someone and that when he has a son who does not "do the right thing", he should hit till he elicits the expected behavioral response. So, his problem surfaces in school, in the school bus he takes and as an adult, he eventually seeks to achieve his goals through violence and aggression. That's what I mean by allowing its perpetuation to eventually seed through society. It acts almost like a multiplier effect.

On a collective perspective, society suffers because when people like Uncle Sam's son get into society as adults, they destroy the progression of that society that values healthy mental perceptions and attitude. Eventually, people like these grow in numbers and place a damper on what constitutes normalcy and what doesn't. Imagine what that can eventually do the way people perceive things? If someone cries for help because they are in trouble and you know they do because your eyes and ears tell you so, what do you do? Do you walk and forget it happened or do you do the right thing and offer help? Makes you wonder but if the value structure and demands of a society changes with too many abusive people around, the expectations also changes towards a negation of the better goals and objectives which should have otherwise been the norm.

That would be scary, wouldn't it?